Thoughts

Dear Someone,

Isn't life strange? Sometimes something positive happens in your life for once but no one is happy for you... and you're not happy for yourself. You see, I got into Bronx Science (Personally I wanted to go to Laguardia -_-") I'm ecstatic. I'm not sad or depressed or anything. No I'm really not. For once in my life I'm not sad, there isn't anything inside me but happiness!But, there is a twinge of Melancholy in my heart. Because I got into Bronx Science, someone else didn't and those someones are my friends. I BRAGGED. Not a good thing. I regret it. I really do. I really wish I didn't brag. But you really can't blame me, I never have anything good happen to me, NOTHING. I didn't win the speech bee ( secretly I wanted to, I really did) but I didn't. I didn't tell anyone though. And Tiana, if you're reading this, DON'T TELL! When I didn't win or at least got 3rd place, this darkness just came over me, I felt like I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything in life and that my LIFE was meaningless, that I was nothing but a speck of dust in what we call the universe. I really need to learn how to puctuate . And to get out my ideas right. Anyway, thats how I felt, meaningless. Before that, in January we had to show Mrs. Crespo (who hates me) our science fair experiments. I did and she yelled at me. I was going to cry but i just kept it in. I felt meaning less. Marilyn did the same experiment as me, no yelling. WTF? I cried in the bathroom. Armani did a great experiment, I loved it :D.But me, I tried my best and Mrs.Crespo didn't give shik about it. She hates me, and I know I should hate her, but I don't and I don't know why. I dislike her. With all this, it made me think if everything is fixed. I will always be 2nd place and never the best and I know this. I wish I was the best but I'm not, and it just makes me sad and unimportant. I wish I was important. I know this is going to sound selfish but I wish I was the best. I'm Sorry. Everyone thinks I'm Ms.Sunshine Positive Perry but I'm not. It's just an act. I wish it wasn't though. I wish I had a higher self esteeem and that no one hates me. I hope my friends don't hate me for bragging. I really don't.I hope they forgive me. But, its just that for once in my life I feel like I'm SOMEONE. That I'm important. I don't feel like that everyday. I practically make myself smile because I don't want anyone to worry about me or notice me. I wish that Ms.Gilbride didn't tell everyone that I got into a specialized high school. Maybe I smiled too much. I should've just kept a straight-face. I'm Sorry. I hope God doesn't hate me for not being humble and not bragging. Okay, I have to put back on my joker mask now, I wish it didn't have to end, the happiness. I wish that I could just be happy everyday and not feel lame and unimportant. Okay, I have to go think about things now.
Perry
P.S- I did this in the style of The Perks of Being a Wallflower because i really love that book and I don't know I thought it would be a good idea.Keep Holding on.